I always tell myself how I look in the future. Can I have a girlfriend? Can I marry myself to a beautiful woman who will accept me whole-heartedly? Can she love me the way I have my life today? But there are so many things in my life that I still have to conquer about myself. But my distraction today is looking for another job that suits for me. I’m not happy anymore in my situation. Because when someone has to be standing on my shadows, it would kill me one by one emotionally but not physically. My mom would keep me locking on my shadows.

 

When my emotions are draining me out, some along the way in my journey I am no longer existed. I have Down syndrome. It’s not a hindrance to me anymore. But the hindrance I cannot accept is an attitude. When an attitude is on my way when someone is not agreeing with me, that’s how you look that you are pretending to be someone locking on my cage.

 

Do I have to stay longer? Does my parents know me what I want? All their decisions made it for themselves. I have too many questions in my today. I’ve been quarreling on my other side at the back of my head knowing if I’m still good or not.

 

I’ve been sitting in my own bed, thinking if I’m ready to another relationship. My job is still kicking up to my nerves. My mom stares at the back of my head thinking if she will keep staring on me. I’m not a perfect human. Every human in the world has mistakes on their own. Nonetheless, every human has own mind what they are doing. Perhaps I give myself a mistake every now and then.

 

If I give up one thing in my life, I would stare on my wall again and staring blankly in a quiet room. My room has full of dreams. And some doors will surely keep knocking me again. If I go out again for tomorrow, what dream will have to wait for me? If my life give up, I wouldn’t mind to quit on top of my performance level inside at the back of my head. Is that how you treat me well? Of course not, I am not that kind of human.

 

If there are shadows that cannot be broken, there will be a light. And a light will shine in beautiful life. Life has full of mysteries whether has one goal has been struggling in my life. And that one goal, will I be getting married in the future? There are thousand of girls in the lonely planet. Each kind, each race, each better has come, but there will be only one who deserves my heart better.

 

One heart, one simple smile and a sweet glare of a beautiful smiling girl is waiting for me. If there’s a sunrise on the beach I could wait to see in beautiful morning, there will be a sunset. And that sunset is a girl who will keep me accompanying me in the future. Who deserves to know me better? What kind of a woman will win on my heart? Is she the one will keep my heart? I don’t know of these questions to be asked.

 

I’m suddenly feeling to my heart  that I can barely to know. If she is the one, I could be hard to breathe around when my mom is still around keeping to stare at me. Shadows are always there that cannot be broken, but there will be a light always that shines in beautiful life. Knowing one mistake you would do, some hidden mistake will appear on your own way.

 

New life has made. New birth consists a new importance in each and every human being. In that new birth, it means new hope, new faith and new role – a role model. I cannot stand what an attitude is always blocking my way to achieve. But there are many thousand of paths to be chosen. One goal to another goal, I’ve been sealing one goal to achieve and that is the highest of all dreams.

~Status message in facebook, March 23, 2014, Sunday, 10:23 p.m.

 

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