Category: Love story


It was a great year for me for this year. I got a new job. I’ve had experience to have a girlfriend. I have to get know what is work relationship. I’ve managed to go to the events. Knowing me, I could do any greater expectations for me. The Year of Water Snake was been giving a new blessings. But on the other side what you are doing the most good deeds in your life have been expecting from you the most.

 

Success

 

The success beyond from my story has been telling you the wildest dreams that I’ve ever did. Getting a new passport on my own was a success. Having my own PWD or Person With Disability identification card was a small step to create new independence. And beyond that, I’ve had experience to get date with someone else for a third time. It was not a date who you want to get date with your favorite special occasion. But it was a great experience to have a date someone who understand you much from her heart. And I guess this has been a blessing for me all the while.

 

When my doubts and fears came for me again around May, that was almost eating my pride again. That was why I didn’t know from the start that God gave a test to me when I’ve had an experience to have a girlfriend for the first time. Knowing from experiences, it had been exploring my world to have a girlfriend. But at the end of a day, she was the one who pushed me this far to get back on track to have a job.

 

Why? When a person needed a job, it was a need all the while in your life. Without a job, you would’ve have known that you couldn’t done for it for your life. You realized how work was really important for you and moved on your expectations.

 

Love life

 

God always gave plans to give me tests when He knew that I’ve to give up. But He didn’t hurt my plans although He gave my way to have a girlfriend to a test. I’ve been hitting too much on the wall why I’ve had a girlfriend on the first place. And aside from being to have a girlfriend, it was a good experience to have been a good relationship between your life, your work expectations and your world.

 

In a job, where I always got new inspiration was from our special education teacher. She was the one who pushed me to level up my responsibilities. She was always making up expectations for making waking up every morning just to see her smiling face. And she was the one who always gave smiling for every student in morning and in afternoon. Maybe she was the one I was been looking for. But I didn’t give up a chance to have a girlfriend in the first place. I gave up for two reasons: commitment and response to a negative thoughts.

 

Why? I was always thought knowing myself in the mirror and tell myself that I couldn’t do it. It was at the back of my head telling that I could do much better next year of 2014.

 

Work

 

I have been recording my status from 2005 to 2013 when I’ve had been unemployed for a long time. It was seven years and seven months that I’ve had been unemployed. To the break the chain, there was always a doubts and fears to realize what good deeds have been made and what bad deeds have not been to be made. I’ve realized in a long term already that I would retire at my earlier age. But happily, when the career chose me to be professionally being as an assistant teacher was an honor already.

 

Teacher is a best profession in the world where you get to teach new lessons everyday in your every challenges you have. And yet, you gave the best all the way you can do to have good services.

 

In the nutshell

 

The Year-End Special: Story about success, love life and work has been giving new good results for me this year of 2013. The good success comes from you, the love life has been teaching you a good role model and the work gives you the chance growing up to be responsibility person. Without them, I’ve would known been better person today. And I was been blessed from heaven that I’ve been giving a new opportunity to get new rewards. All good news will come in and the bad news will dissolve the way you handle your own problems on time it will give your answers.

 

Itsmikki Studio. 2013 Copyrights. All rights reserved.

June-July 2013:

New job description, making new friends in my work, nutrition month

 

After passing the interview evaluation, my two bosses accepted me as well as their sped assistant teacher knowingly that I can do much better than the previous assistants. But I didn’t want to bring some issues that I could do better. Which that I could not comparing to other assistants as well. But the fact I admitted to my fourth job. It broke the chain when I finally have had a job because I was been not doing very well in the past 7 years and 7 months which I didn’t have a job.

 

I was underestimated by those who can underestimated me at the start. The work was introduced me in parents and teachers orientation before the school year was started. As long as I was working part-time in livelihood project, my two bosses were kindly to say to me that I also can run my loading business which I have had been working my hiatus in money cellphone loading business for 7 years and 6 months already as of to date today.

 

Assuming that I was working progressively participating in the school and in the therapy center during Saturdays. The parents before was looking something to change me as well. But the fact I entered in a new job description – as an assistant teacher. I was in the slow progress. I couldn’t move when there was nothing to do. My dull days became longer hours during my stay in a livelihood project.

 

But the nutrition month came in the month of July. The interns were working harder to look for their children. In the afternoon, I worked so hard for taking care of special children. I knew some few students in the morning because I wasn’t working in the morning classes. My work was in the livelihood project in the morning and also in the afternoon was taking care of special children being as an sped assistant teacher. The face I’ve had enjoying myself in the field of being as an assistant teacher, my work was being issued by several parents for lack of communication. I was almost destroying my work environment when I was been terrified.

 

One of the two bosses was almost fired me as well. But the fact I couldn’t find another work was there was no room for me in the world working. When the employer was criticizing and discriminating because of my special condition, somehow I survived because of my work.

 

August 2013:

Moving to a new school relocation, love life, work relationship

 

Even I was not in the mood around the month of August. It was the last days of my work as a livelihood chef in a livelihood project. My work relationship with a preschool teacher and a special education teacher which they were both female teachers. The preschool teacher was too cute for me but the personality didn’t fit me as well. But the fact was why I joined along with a special education teacher, she was nice, bubbly and smiling teacher. And I began to like her the fact I joined with her the last two months.

 

The special education teacher didn’t recognize me somehow. But the issues from them against me sometimes misunderstood the situation as well. The school setting was small, the classroom was small but the love life began wider and wider to me as well. I couldn’t helped it when I was thinking about her all the time. But too cute teacher was also having an issues against me as well.

 

But the work relationship was getting bumper and bumper because of my moody hours. I began scrutinizing one of the employees in the convenience store when they were not selling sandwiches anymore and one of the staff in the school saw what I did in the convenience store. So I didn’t know what it will happen at the end of my work relationship in the school.

 

My boss called me several times already because of two warnings I did already. But the work was been spread like a viral. I didn’t know where I have had to search for another job. My job was to protect my name, my work and the children also. And my life would be the end where there was no one accepting me in another job hunting season again. I’ve been unemployed for 7 years and 7 months, but my business ran for a life-time already since I’ve had from June 2006 (7 years and 2 months already).

 

Then we went to another school relocation inside the village of Cainta Greenpark Village that we must focused to have working in the field. Another school setting, big campus, big classrooms and a convenient school setting as we were looking toward at the end of two weeks remaining in the school. But the storm curled down one week. We didn’t have much school days when the storm came in by the time we relocated the school already. Then we were cleaning the school as we were working hard for the school team as well.

 

September 2013

Cooling off vacation in Toronto

 

The interns was been getting riding from our necks. They were too busy for their names and their future jobs as well as an optometrists. Were they really working hard for their jobs? Or were they wrong for their job internship in our school? I didn’t knew that my hardworking days were over already. But I’ve been hating myself why I didn’t let my emotions eating me again. As the vacation in Toronto came closer and closer, the school, the teachers, the students and my two bosses were at the back of my head thinking I shouldn’t taking a vacation after all. I didn’t know what to do when I came back.

 

Then the vacation came over on 14th day of September in Toronto, the coldest night we’ve had arrived was 8 degrees in celsius. And I’ve had been getting chilling out in one of the coldest province in Canada. Was I the one who didn’t like the weather of Toronto? Maybe I thought about that. One week preparation for my sister’s wedding, I was been thinking my work in the Philippines. I couldn’t helped thinking what they were working so hard. Because of the test exams were in the week when I was in Toronto already.

 

The fact I’ve had enjoying from my work, I was almost getting in highest emotions of my time – being as a happiest assistant teacher. I loved my work so much and I couldn’t help thinking about it. But it broke the record because I’ve had surpassed my employment. In my three previous jobs before only lasted for two-three months, but in September, it was almost four months already. So I thought if I come back, my job will be over if they weren’t allowing me going back to work.

 

I was enjoying my vacation instead not to think about working in the school. I went in various locations in Toronto. But the place I didn’t like it was the CN Tower. I didn’t want to step in a glass floor because I almost died seeing down so far away that I was almost died seeing about it. In short, I have fear on heights. When I first rode in the airplane going to Toronto, I couldn’t slept the whole trip going to Toronto. Instead, I watched a numerous movies, listened to the music and played the computer games in a first-class business airplane.

 

We went to a zoo, apple-picking farm, shopping in groceries and do a lot of buying gifts for all the parents and the workers in a school as well. By the time, I went home in the Philippines after attending to my sister’s wedding and also taking a vacation as well. I went back to the school working again in 30th day of September.

 

October 2013

Assistant teacher, halloween party

 

After I’ve found out that the preschool teacher was been fired by the employer’s reasons, because the preschool teacher I knew. She had a difficulty mind not being as a committed teacher as well in the school. She did a big time almost destroying the work relationship we have had in time. But the good news came in because my two bosses have said to me that I can do as an assistant teacher from morning to afternoon classes.

 

I did all my tasks as well in the morning to afternoon. I was cleaning in the waiting area, completing the tables and chairs in accordingly and maintaining the cleanliness around the school. My heart to students was already in another level – teaching someday to them. Being as a teaching profession wasn’t in my heart before. I don’t have passion in teaching. The fact the field as a teacher is a high profession in the country. So you must have a big feet to fill passionately for the students and for the parents as well.

 

The Halloween party was around in the third week already. We’ve had an overnight days when the special education teacher, the third occupational therapist and I did a lot of hardworking days for a field working in halloween party. And the days were over when the halloween party came in. The success was proven good. And oh, I forgot the event of language of the month (or buwan ng wika) that was held last month of September instead of August. It was because the storm came in Manila and suspended a week in classes. That was why the language of the month came in first week of September as well.

 

The halloween party, third event of the school year calendar, was ended successfully. But the love life I have with a special education teacher even grew stronger and stronger. Because I was finally realized I couldn’t helped thinking about her. But I didn’t know how to invite a relationship between her and me.

 

November-December 2013

Love life again, new special education teacher, Christmas party

 

The moment every time I came in a school every day, each time I saw her. I watched her glimpse teaching special kids for her heart. Her smile was melting the special children sadness away, and was I also been melting her heart to me. But she didn’t know that I was helplessly thinking her every night and then.

 

Then a Christmas party had to come and wait for 6 weeks preparation. A new friend of my special education teacher came in for an interview with two bosses we’ve had. She passed. But she had been something hiding from ourselves. I couldn’t helped thinking it at the back of my head also. The thoughts crossed over. Then again, the Christmas was already three weeks preparation again.

 

The special education teacher has to leave around the month of December. But she extended her work as long as she taught the special children and the regular children. I didn’t know what to do when she was gone already. But I was already going to give her my first present last nutrition month. Then again, I’ve had something to send her again some important gift.

 

My boss told me if I have had a crush on her when she entered the room again, then I said it was a yes. She was blushed when she knew I had a crush on her. Eventually I didn’t want our friendship ended miserably. So I extended my smiles to her everyday I saw her in a school. The house before was my special education teacher’s home. But now, she gave her home that was been empty for four years giving us to have a new school setting – a big school campus instead.

 

Then the Christmas party came in. She was even getting beautiful in a day of Christmas party. I didn’t know how to invite a relationship again between two of us. But I knew I couldn’t take a risk. Instead I gave a words as “friends forever instead a relationship wrecker.

 

The illusions of love life was over. I didn’t like a word of relationship. I was focusing more on my work for my commitment long-term for my work. And I was surprised that I was already a regular assistant teacher in a school already. To tell a truth, this isn’t the last Year-End Special: Story about success, love life and work. This is just a new beginning to set new goals of achievement of the year of 2014, year of green wood horse.

 

Itsmikki Studio. 2013 Copyrights. All rights reserved.

If there was no success, there was no overnight of dreaming for success.

 

This is a year-end special article all about me from the beginning of 2013 until this month of December. What can you do for success if you can do for your hardworking? Yes, then you have to believe in yourself and not anybody could replace but your story as well is deserving more.

 

Let me rewind you to the past of January 2013 where I tell my story:

 

Starting from January 2013:

Applying requirements, joining advocacy in special education

 

This month was my success getting my second NBI clearance for my future employment. But I was planning to think which job would prefer to get me on the first place. Should I continue get a career ahead for call center career? Or should I continue where I start in my culinary career? My place for a job seeking opportunities was ahead for me already. But to think of it at the back of my head, I should scratch for all job descriptions: animator, writer, chef / cook, call center or entertainment industry. There were all my opportunities which one I should prefer.

 

After two weeks of January, my parents forced to apply for my passport alone. And so I did applying for passport applications. But the requirements narrowed down to my plans: NBI clearance, police clearance and passport. All of my validation identifications were been shown off for my next plan: get a job ahead before going to Toronto in September.

 

I did all my requirements doing my job applications. But the questionable was getting where I should start. So I joined supporting Angels Walk 2013, where I also joined the side of Down Syndrome Association of the Philippines or DSAPI, where a thousand of autism groups and various schools also have joined the said event in Mall of Asia, Music Hall in Pasay City. This was the 24th Angels Walk for ASP or Autism Society of the Philippines who parents, educators, students and thousand of autism angels were there for the said event. And I was happy supporting for their group.

 

All of my happiness poured down my promising career: writing while getting a job or writing when I’m already in success.

 

February 2013:

2nd Happy Walk, celebrating month, Philippines’ Down syndrome awareness

 

This month was also my big celebration and my promising birthdays to come in many years. So to said, but it was also an excitement for every words I will write. But the success wasn’t over. So I joined the 21st Happy Walk in The Block, SM North EDSA in Quezon City of Down Syndrome Association of the Philippines or DSAPI awareness event.

 

My blessings poured down to my birthday month, my birth month of February. I still clearly remembered when Pope John Paul II came to Manila for the first time 32 years ago. I was born on 19th of February, the day when Pope John Paul II was having a mass in Quezon Memorial Center, Quezon City. So the history said it was from February 17-21 when Pope John Paul II’s visit in Manila. So that explained how the world was looking for Pope John Paul II for his papal sainthood.

 

And it was also for Philippines’ Down syndrome awareness event for the whole nation. My dad first joined with me last year in 20th Happy Walk on the day of my birthday, 19th of February which it was introduced me to a few parents. And I met the couple, the children and their son with Down syndrome which it was the Lapena family. It was my first experience meeting with someone like me like Jeremy was, And I was happy that I joined the DSAPI family.

 

March 2013:

Applying for 1st PWD identification card, 3rd prom, meeting the showman of GMA channel

 

This was also the third month of my success. March has explained my various blessings I’ve done so far for this year of 2013. Because this was my first official that I’ve had my first PWD identification card or Persons With Disability. But that was when I’ve applied on 19th of March, a month after of my birthday. I chose the date because it was my first time applying for my PWD id.

 

Then it came before the application of PWD identification card was my third experience of prom date. And it was my first experience for having date with someone else and not from my relatives whom I really have had a good time. Guess what whom I dated with? It was Antonio and Juan Luna’s great granddaughter whom I dated with. And I was lucky to have date the famous Luna in the Philippines history. What I have to tell that I need to say? It was the best experience of prom date in my life.

 

And the first celebrity that I saw this year was none other of a famous showman in GMA channel, German Moreno. Kuya Germs when they said a name to him. And it was my pleasure to meet a person from a different channel. Because I was glued watching all ABS-CBN shows from morning to evening. But I didn’t notice that I can do it. And so my experience having a picture with him was a pleasure for me.

 

April-May 2013:

Depression looking for a job, first relationship, watched Nick Vujicic, looking for a job

 

This months of April and May of 2013 was a depression months for me. All I thought at the back of my head was either looking for a girlfriend or a job description unable to look for. But the words scripted from at the back of my head has said to me, “when can I start working so soon, so I could have a relationship with somebody else I really want to date with?” It was my first thoughts that crossed at the back of my head and without even noticing it, I looked depressed for a whole month.

 

After a month, I came to visit Rico Yan for a fourth time last 5th of May. Then it came upon that I met my first fling relationship with someone else. Two girls that I met. One of them was a former special education teacher and one of them was a housemaid who was working for taking care of a child and look taking care of the house. It crossed at the back of my head that I was first to say I’ve accepted her for having relationship with someone else. And she was the first person who asked my hand to have relationship with her. It is normally for a guy who is asking for a relationship to a girl. But the opposite came upon the two worlds between of us.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I were only lasted eight (8) days of relationship. And I was formerly taking off my relationship with her. But my heart felt for her so sorry. But at the end of the day, on the 20th of May, I watched Nick Vujicic’s concert also in Mall of Asia, Music Hall in Pasay City. It was my pleasure to have experience watching someone who was also have a disability. Nick Vujicic was born without limbs of arms and legs. And I have had my third inspiration coming from him.

 

Then after a day that my ex-girlfriend was formally underestimated in our relationship, I went anywhere near our village looking for a job. So I went for my first walk-in job inside of Cainta Greenpark Village that was also near my home in Cainta. And the interview wasn’t my first. But I did passing my first application resume to the employer. But my intentions came crossing thrice at the back of my head. I should also applied to other opportunities: writer in newspaper, call center job and entertainment industry job where I went to Megamall on 23rd of May. I sent many job applications to various employers from newspaper jobs, call center jobs and entertainment industry jobs as well.

 

Fews day after on 27th of May, the call was unexpected I’ve answered from my cellphone around 11 in the morning. The secretary have said that I have to come around 1 in the afternoon. So I changed myself in a better suit of applying a job. When I met two of my bosses before, I was nervous and feeling annoying on my first interview of the year. Then around after 15 to 20 minutes of waiting, one of two bosses interviewed me and I passed the interview evaluation.

 

For continuation of Year-End Special: Story about success, love life and work in a next article, there will be a set of month stories to unfold for a second part of Year-End Special: Story about success, love life and work.

 

Itsmikki Studio. 2013 Copyrights. All rights reserved.

Troubled Mind (Sacred song)

 

Feel about time and

phase out the stress,

feel about sorrow

and phase out your sadness,

tell me what’s wrong

in your troubled mind.

 

I get lost and weary

and I get depressed,

I get surprised and anxious

and I get frustrated,

I get in love and busted

when I feel about you,

there’s no time between us,

there’s no time between

the longest time we ever have.

 

In this quite journey for me

I long to tell you

that I’ve my condition,

in this quite journey for you

you long to forget

that you must pray and tell.

 

Feel about time and

phase out the stress,

feel about sorrow

and phase out your sadness,

tell me what’s wrong

in your troubled mind.

 

Oh, I am lost (I am still lost)

oh, I’ve been forsake (I am still forsaken)

oh, there are no miracles

oh, there are many doubts

oh, there are many fears

when I seek out at the end of the day

I almost get out of my troubled mind

that I almost forget about

is Him above, the sacred king.

 

He who will never give

forsake about you,

He who will give

miracles for you everyday,

He who will never give

fears and doubts

and I surrender my soul to Him above.

 

The story:

What is Troubled Mind (Sacred song)?

 

This was all about me who have been troubled mind in a longest time period in 14 years. And there was a time that I’ve had been in denial stage for a long time. And yet for about 7 years and 7 months, it broke for my emotions. It was all because that I’ve never stayed for a work that I all wanted. Being as an assistant teacher or as a teacher didn’t choose me. But it is a fate that chooses me. There were many hindrances in my life before. I’ve never thought or crossed at the back of my head becoming as an assistant teacher. I’ve never helped myself. I almost tripped out of all my problems, my trials and my challenges that awaits for me. What else can you become if you have a part of being having with Down syndrome in your case? It’s really hard for me. My parents didn’t tell me. My sisters didn’t tell me either. Or my relatives or my friends had never been telling me each time I’ve faced my troubles.

 

I am surely that I am matured already becoming to face what’s reality or not. I guess there are many trials and challenges that await for me to handle. And late last year or this year when 2013 came, my sister told me that I have a brother who has ADHD. At first, I don’t know what to do. But at the end of the day, I always ask God what plans he would rather chooses me the best. I came from a place where people celebrated from a church who listened to the word of God. Then I give myself a better chance to change my life.

 

When I visited for a fourth time in Rico Yan’s place, I’ve met someone who really loved me the most. In a span of 8 days, we enjoyed ourselves becoming my first relationship with her. She was the one who speaks to have handling relationship with me and I said yes. But suddenly with a range of disillusions, we partly changed ways and I broke her heart momentarily. Because my parents said it was not a time yet for me to marry her. This was all about doubts and fears that surrounded my thoughts before. There were no what-ifs that time and there were no second chances backing out. We were talking about marriage the way she said it to me. All she wanted to have a marriage to someone she really loved so much. What can you do all about the troubled mind? I guessed it was already the song chooses me after all.

 

Troubled Mind (Sacred song) is a song of life-breathtaking story about me. This is my second chance to fall in love and commit with God alone to focus what plans has been made and set it for me. And I declare my words to tell you that I”m ready to face another chapter year for the year of 2014.

 

Troubled Mind (Sacred song) is another one of my composition songs that I made it for today’s literature. And I guess if the time has come, it will be a big celebration if there will be a time someone who deserves me the most because I choose the right girl for me. When will it come? Sooner I think at the back of my head.

 

Itsmikki Studio. 2013 Copyrights. All rights reserved.

Creating Illusions (Thousand Promises)

Creating Illusions (Thousand Promises)

There is someone I am really in love. But the question is, how can I make her to fall in love with me? It may end with a big answer of no. Despite of that, I would encounter more of experiencing being not falling in love again. I fell many times before when I for long to be told, that I want to be falling in love, but it trapped me instead.

 

For many years since my time being in my high school days, my culinary days in college, my frustration days and my new chapter – being as an assistant teacher. Well, the question now today, when I will start falling in love again? After I broke up with my ex-girlfriend last May 16, the relationship we’ve had torn and broke me into pieces. The mirror didn’t buy the time back into the new frame. Instead, she was interrupted to hold in engagement with her current boyfriend. For me, why would I waste if I don’t want to win her back? It’s her choice anyway.

 

Back in shattered dreams where I am creating illusions or rather of full of promises. It may be sound weird, but it is insanely true. I may be not a perfect boyfriend. Or I may be not perfect husband if we are married already. Is it suppose to have someone who is worth for you to stay? I mean someone has to use saying to me, “there are many fishes in the sea, try to hook one and one will stay with you longer.” Yes, I may be a sarcastic knowing I could get a girlfriend easier. But the relationship is not worth saying if you are doing your partnership with your boyfriend or girlfriend instead.

 

Believe me. I’ve been through a lot of challenges before. Now I’ve already encountered once in relationship in once in my life. Being in love isn’t keeping you to be last. Instead, do it on your own shoes. It may fill up a while, but it will take time to create more illusions. Illusions are made to be unreal. Or maybe an isolated one will not coming back to you. Trapped, dazed, or sometimes disoriented, I may be not knowing my partner who is really about her. Is the mirror telling me that she is the one for me?

 

There are many fishes in the sea.” Yes, that may be true. But somehow, I don’t know how to explain how I can keep only one to find. It’s not easy or difficult to find one. I’ve fallen many times in a mazes before. I’ve tried to keep sending too much of literature poems, countless sonnets or singing songs I’ve been doing in my high school days and my culinary days as well. It may be quite journey for me. But it’s unusual thing to do for all of us.

 

Maybe there’s a lot of thousand promises to be made in the future. Or maybe there will be a time to say that you have to let it go instead holding back to your past. Sounds related? I don’t experience that way either. It may be counted different, but it may be create a lot of confusion answers. I have a condition being having with Down syndrome. But why’s wrong doing there? Shame, maybe. Or discriminated. Somehow I belong to the society where all singles are here to stay and to date if there’s a chance. Somehow in this quite of unrealistic article I am writing about, it’s about me, my future-girlfriend-to-be-married and my messed and disoriented mind at the back of my head.

 

I got a lot of answers before. But now, I am aiming to be the best guy for which the girl can afford loving me so much in the future. But then again, there’s a question inside at the back of my head again thinking if there is a chance to prove your partner will be loyal and faithfully for you. But I always follow my heart where I can understand them. They have to understand my condition, but it seems half glass to be filled the water soon. When it says half glass, it may be fill with water full or it could be drink in a same way of creating relationship with your partner.

 

Thousands of sending sonnets, poems or singing a songs that wasn’t having a tune yet, it may be a hang for a while. But for me, relationship is something you have to have stronger personality. It may bring something different. It’s not in my dictionary either. Instead, I am making love for everybody that I know. My family. My relatives. My friends. My whole extended family. And my life that I am living happily even without creating illusions.

 

Creating illusions are made for subconscious mind. And subconscious mind sometimes brings different meaning in our lives. It may sound big, but it’s really a small and tiny at the back of your brain telling it may create memories with your loved ones. Or somehow the hope will bring more showering of blessings instead. People hear a lot of interesting stories, but mine is different for the rest of the world. Being having with my condition is not an exceptional. But I am telling you that I have a big heart to fill out my half-glass heart to someone I am waiting to be falling in love again.

 

Itsmikki Studio. 2013 Copyrights. All rights reserved.

After 8 days relationship has begun last May 2013, it all happened so fast. It always have been touched me by the gracious heart from time to time. I suddenly felt lonely. I felt the agony inside my heart. Sometimes I cannot let it go. But it seems to have unworthy to your partner. But lately when I found that she have found someone else to love her, I didn’t have a chance to say that I was still in love with her. She was engaged with her latest boyfriend. Although it hurts for me to feel this, but sometimes it feels the envious inside of me.

 

But she was the one that she pushed me this far from being as a sloth. Being as a sloth or couch potato couldn’t proved for. I always watched television, played some few games, wrote a countless poems, sonnets and quotes and drew also a countless character designs. Those were my past times. But making something to write it down was even more my passion. It all brings for me the excitement in my life.

 

To name whom it may concern,

 

I always loved to have love you

sometimes I adored to look you.

You mesmerized me and I stopped

you looked down and swayed your hair,

the cherry eyes down to your head

have put spines on my back,

although we have met,

I’ve really looked after you.

 

By my heart from you.

 

It was a distance from two of us. Between her and me. Somehow I wait for a long time. It’s been six months already. And I’m open to be in love again. I long for who I am going to love for. Maybe a day to come. Or months, maybe. But I also count the days whether I will see her again to say I love you once more. But I couldn’t hurt so much that I give all my stash for you. It wasn’t a stash. But it was my heart into pieces.

 

I’ve explained my heart every time from now and then. I’ve realized that I lost my hopes on her. She was getting on my nerves already now that I knew she is getting married soon. But I don’t want to hear some marriage. It’s full of sarcastic ideas inside at the back of my head. I don’t know much. But it was much like a stigma in my brain. I am isolated where I am dying to in love with somebody.

 

I always to have with somebody

who is perfect role to have honest answer.

To have in love with me, of course,

but someone has to replace with her.

So I can forget about her.

It wasn’t enough that I couldn’t resist

thinking her at the back of my head.

It’s a matter to decide and to think twice.

 

I was crazy, wasn’t it? But it seems that I still have lack of experimenting to have experiences for relationship, perhaps. I don’t know. Maybe a push? Or do I have to realize how it was an importance with her? It can’t be decision, it’s for closure maybe. Have you fallen in love before? This was my first relationship in a wrong two-way relationship with my ex-girlfriend before. She was my first girlfriend. Now I have to find another girl who can truly have to deserve with me. Maybe a denying thoughts that I have. Or I may find an interesting thoughts, a confusion.

 

When I was in love with her, it didn’t happen to me first to give an impression for her. I didn’t know the relationship term was. But sudden after three days, my heart beat like nothing could imagine. So far, she was my first. And thanks for Joe D’Maggo who was host for Love Notes before in ABC 5 channel. I knew how the relationship felt like. It was strange for me first, now it was a bit beginning to fade.

 

I long for to decide to have a closure

yet it happens so fast what I

can decide for the two of us.

It was a matter until it was a day

or two. It happened so fast.

But I need some explanations

in my life why I have been falling for you.

 

NOTES:

 

This was dated back in May 8 to May 16, 2013. 8 days relationship. The relationship I’ve had with her was a impurity between the two of us. I couldn’t explain why I fall for her. She was the one asking me for having relationship with me. But it ended so fast that I wasn’t ready to confront her. Confronting her was my mistake. When you say confronting to somebody, I may hurt her feelings. It may lock to your heart and to your mind at the back of your head thinking some more room for thoughts. Well, I need more experience to have long for a relationship to have.

 

The next article you will read about me. It will be post it soon enough. You will read more some of my unlocked love stories on my own based experiences.

 

Itsmikki Studio. 2013 Copyrights. All rights reserved.

8 days relationship

First day we met in Manila Memorial Park when I have had a chance to visit Rico’s grave for the fourth time. Visiting him was already counted. So no matter what times I visit, it is how many times I could imagine this relationship to be in love.

 

Relationship started on 3:49 p.m. (May 8, 2013, Wednesday)

 

She called on my cellphone thinking if I have had a chance to prove for everyone that I have a girlfriend. Of course, my parents were in abroad for a paid-expenses trip in Europe in Monaco and Barcelona. But to tell you the truth, it was unexpectedly to be falling in love. She really gave a sign that she really liked me. And I’ve answered her back with a big yes. But the question, will the relationship grows healthy?

 

Day 1. (May 9, 2013, Thursday)

 

First day of being in love. First girlfriend. First of firsts. Everything was still okay. But the question in my heart, will I continue what I doing healthy for me? But telling the truth honestly, I don’t find my heart in this girl I really loved. Because this was not the girl I was about to make relationship. And it wasn’t difficult to fall in love.

 

Day 2. (May 10, 2013 Friday)

 

We’ve had conversations in long hours. My interests in writing have becoming not progressively. So my world came tumbling across the universe. She didn’t know the whole truth about me. She didn’t know what is the meaning of being a special adult. She was still clueless. Of course, my advocacy for now is to help special children to grow in their talents. And so I’ve also talents. Wish I can do anything for my dreams to prove my world.

 

Day 3. (May 11, 2013 Saturday)

 

My parents came home from Europe. And I was excited to see my own parents. I love them so much in my heart. But being in relationship makes difficult to me. My heartaches in my own heart sometimes tells me that I don’t know what to do. My own life stops breathing. In my own life, there’s a world of acceptance and achieving so many achievements already. But my dreams in the television and movies don’t stop me there. If I could stop my life with 24/7 in love, I could do so many things in my own life. Breathing in and out is really one of the hardest decisions in my life. But the world inside didn’t stop me there. I’ve still many dreams to do. But the big question, will my girlfriend understand my life what I am doing for now?

 

Day 4. (May 12, 2013 Sunday)

 

Mother’s day. My whole family minus my two siblings came celebrating mother’s day in korean restaurant. I still kept eating vegetables and less meat. I still kept eating without rice. And I still kept my health in zero tolerance in rice. If I go back eating in rice, I would eat two cups or three cups of rice. Because being having with Down syndrome really makes me heavier. If I go skipping meals is not a good idea. But I rather eat rice less, eat a lots of vegetables and less meat. My weight still kept me around 169 to 171 pounds. So it was playing around from that weight I’ve wanted. My weight last month was 180 pounds over. I was obese. Now if I could know my weight could be in Level 2 Overweight from my weight allowance. So I’ve discovered a secret for keeping your health. Eat lots of vegetables, eat less of meat and drink a lots of water. And don’t skip meals. Because meals are important for your diet’s needs. And so my relationship was still below the belt.

 

 

Day 5. (May 13, 2013 Monday)

 

My weight was now around 167-170 pounds. I achieved something so important. My mom knows my diet’s needs already. Because if I don’t have balanced meals, I won’t have a healthy life. My relatives, my elementary friends and including my grandparents knew my relationship already between my girlfriend and me. But I was still clueless what to do with my relationship with my girlfriend. My feelings towards in my family became full of doubts. They were telling me if I choose her. I will lose everything just for her. But if I choose my own way of living what to do in my life makes me stopping my desires to be an artist someday.

 

Day 6. (May 14, 2013 Tuesday)

 

It was important day for me.  My girlfriend and I spoke the whole morning, afternoon and nights also just to be with her. But the big question again, will this relationship last forever more? I lost my heart somewhere in this world already. I became clueless and nothing to do in my own life. It was still not healthy because my parents have still doubts towards of my girlfriend.

 

Day 7. (May 15, 2013 Wednesday)

 

Oh, no! I might be losing something important for the past days already. I lost the counts that I have to greet my relatives and my friends in facebook. It was something that I shouldn’t stop greeting someone in my own life. My dreams became shattering and everything was lost somewhere in the world I have today. But to tell the truth honestly, it was unexpectedly in my life that I have had a girlfriend.

 

Day 8. (May 16, 2013 Thursday)

 

I woke up late this morning again for the eighth time. I became sleepless in nights I was before. It made me worrier for my health to receive if I was doing okay. It was our first date for today with my girlfriend. We’ve been gone in SM North EDSA for window shopping. And she treated me. The question again, is the relationship healthy for me? When I came home late around 8:15 p.m., I came straight to my parents’ room. She asked me numerous questions what if the world tumbled to me with my girlfriend. So I stopped falling in love. And I’ve asked myself, when will I fall in love again. And to this count for this day, this was already a-not-serious relationship. But she really fell in love with me. And so I stopped thinking of her. My mother was right. And she knows better than everyone knows about me. Because I love my mom so much.

 

Conclusion:

 

8 days relationship was not healthy relationship for me. And it counted this first girlfriend of mine was already a fling to me. I am not ready for making my own family for this present times. But the happiness inside of me is much important for me than my girlfriend is. Because I know myself. I know my happiness.

 

Lessons in 8 days relationship: A lot to learn!

Not a good relationship

Maybe I have had a girlfriend far from now. It wasn’t that good enough. My both parents didn’t like her. I might be leaving her soon also. What’s the big deal with not-a-good-relationship? In fact, this was first time I have had a girlfriend in my life. In fact, she was the only one who fell in love to me. And yes, I was still innocent and lack of experiences towards relationships.

 

I’ve had been watching numerous love stories in my life when I was still teenager. In fact, this relationship was not a healthy. I’ve been told in my relatives, my elementary friends, my high school teacher, my yaya (maid who used to taking care me when I was still a kid) and my so-called relationship status in my facebook.

 

There was no facebook in this universe when I came in the world. There was only a black disc moving music box that runs from the past. And of course, the introduction of the computer was drastically slowing improving from 1980’s. But in 1990’s, the whole wide world was still luring the way of a little improvements of the computer. But from this generation of nowadays, we have a computer addiction towards in facebook, twitter, youtube or anything that applies in the computer. I called it, “2000 computer era.”

 

When I was still in high school, I didn’t know how to use the computers until someone in the class taught me well how to operate the computer. In our home, my elder sister said that I don’t have to touch the computer unless she wanted to teach me. I was impatient that time when I was still a kid. In my innocence of my looks sometimes draw an attention towards my family. But the relationship have might ending so soon. Because my girlfriend was really in love to me. But I didn’t feel anything about her.

 

What’s the score? In fact, I lost everything. I lost my focus towards my career because of her. I lost my interests in my writings because of her. But what’s the meaning of this? Is this the end of my relationship of her?

 

Ho-hum, I am still not looking good for this relationship. I want to end this relationship so soon. Because in reality, when you don’t have money and no job, you’re endless creating a new family. Residing in a shanty homes with poor quality materials you are living, you are in the degraded world of full poor opportunities. But to tell you the truth, I wasn’t ready for creating my own family. I am still eyeing for my career, my hopeful dreams and my aspirations in my life.

 

When will I be falling in love again? The answers will reveal soon. Life sometimes exists with reality bites. In fact, you live in your world of happiness. But the truth behind, you are living without hopeful reasons why are living in a shanty homes.

First and last

I’ve finally understand what’s the true love means. First of all, I don’t have a girlfriend for entire of my story. To cut in short, I was able to fall in love three times already. Those three times were difficult make to happen a good ending. But it turned out like a bad ending. Such a beautiful waste of my life made me worrying too much of my own story.

 

I fell in love in writing 16 years ago when I first heard about of the literature world. But it came to my life when I shared of my story about the love cycle that I have from my past. Past were extremely hard to forget but it learned me quickly from my love troubles. And of course, for the first time in my life in 1997 when the literature world came into my life. It was not an awful experience, it was such waste less and much trouble thinking about it. It didn’t matter to me.

 

1997 was an introduction of my sophomore year in high school story of my life. It was exactly not thinking about what to meant to be such in my life. It mattered most of my time I’ve been looking for the perfect girl to dream about. Also that year, it made me clear that I wasn’t an ordinary human. But I was a special human with dreams and aspirations to tell. To cut in short, I’ve had a mosaic Down syndrome. I’ve discovered on my own going home from my school. My biology teacher said it all, and then I’ve asked my parents. Which it’s why the truth came out. It leaked my story awful but inspiring.

 

And of course, as one year gone by, junior year came to me inspiringly to me so special. I can’t wait to dance someone if I knew would like to dance with me. The junior prom was February. And so I waited. But it came in 1998 with an explosive thoughts entering at the back of my head. It jumped out like a beans. And then I firstly wrote my first poem on 10th December of 1998. Two months before the junior prom, I’ve been searched from everywhere I could asked from my school mates. But none of them really didn’t like that much.

 

The junior prom was already in a month. But of course, junior prom have maybe the better dance for me. We did soiree already in freshman year and sophomore year. But in reality, love fits for everyone to make it the love real. This junior prom was a great experience. And of course, I was named best dressed man of the night. And I wasn’t awarded for the king of the prom. The award didn’t fit me well but I’ve accepted as the best dressed man of the night. And so the senior prom also came. The junior prom was better than the senior year.

 

I’ve realized of love being like that. I wasn’t looking for the girl. I was looking for the person who accepted me. The first girl I’ve loved was a shattered dreams to me. It made me to cry and fell to my own knees. I’ve felt the agony. And so the pain in my heart released from my anger. In the other thoughts, I felt happily I can pass the problems.

 

College years was a typical years for every student who needed to finish their course seriously. Just look at me after high school, everyone have finally accepted who I was and what I became being a proud of my own feet. With a crowd of audience gave an outstanding ovation when my name was called, that high school was over. In college years, things were a little different situation and a little of mixed emotions.

 

After one batch to another, I’ve stopped after third batch. I’ve said that I can finished the culinary course. It was really difficult to make coping my own problems. One of my love cycles here in my college years have also waved goodbye after a roller coaster mutual understanding. It wasn’t that in a relationship. When they said we were in the school campus, we were in. But when we were outside, I felt my loss because it wasn’t a serious one.

 

Jumping forward to the present, I became clearly visible. Love cycle was a greater fall or maybe a raise from your experiences. I stood amount of love I take from my parents, my family, my relatives and my friends. In the world of reality, there was never given a chance of third chance. In 2011, I’ve experienced again like it was in my college years. And now that I knew about pseudo-relationship was all about. It mattered me already. It felt sadness and bitterness. But I’ve stopped knowing her. Then I’ve moved on my own life.

 

What do you want for the girl? Is she really for you? For my whole life, none of the girls really accepted me wholly. I’ve stopped reading my radar looking for other girls. After a senior prom, there was an enchanted prom that the organization I was joining, they were inviting to date a girl once again. It was a great experience. She was my third prom partner of my life. And I’ve said to myself, “I can look again for another girl who can accepted me whole.”

 

It was an amazing gift that God gave me from these blessings that I can pass my problems by doing on my own. But sometimes I need a little conversation between my parents and to my relationship. When can I do this again? And after I’ve visited Rico Yan last March in his birthday. The search was almost complete. Not until someone have asked me and said, “can I have relationship with you?” She asked me first.

 

I nodded somewhere in my thoughts thinking where would the relationship go for this right opportunity. Then I’ve said yes when she really loved me. And I’ve answered her back with, “I love you too.” With those four little words you were saying means a lots of love you give it to her.

 

It came unexpectedly in my life after we’ve met for the first time. Maybe she was seeing me like a first love in the eyes. But she have had a boyfriend before. None of it mattered to me now because I’ve accepted her. Because she accepted me also the way I moved and I talked this way. What if the world tumble across the universe? What it would look like when you meet unexpectedly? Crazy and weird as you may notice. In my little faith in heaven, there was always an opportunity for the love will bring. Looking for my radar again have finally stopped in a moment. When the feeling came it out, it felt me a happiness of love. What I have seen thoughts of love, I’ve always thought I can imagine how true love means.

 

The moment of an answer, it was because she was my first girlfriend and would it be my last girlfriend I will ever have. And the quote have said, “Of all the things you’ve seen it, don’t worry about conclusion in the ending because there’s always a beginning of new love.” “Love is not to know about your partner, you must go deeper in your relationship and better to know herself half of the answers you will discover.” “Crazy as it may sounds like the love will bring weird, but you must have to know that you’ve really love her most of your life and give it your the best time you have. “

remembrance of things awry

\"When to sessions of sweet silent thought, I summon remembrance of things awry!\" --- Toto Gonzalez\'s parody of Marcel Proust

Parker Myles

Parker is a little brother, a toddler, a kindy kid, and has Down syndrome. Follow his story.

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